Assess Your Relationships! (MY VOICE, by Kim Fidler)

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fall-leavesHappy Thanksgiving! November is a wonderful month to think about family and friends. As we prepare for the holidays and see some people that we do not see often, it causes us to have good and bad feelings. Our happiness should never be controlled by someone else. However, holidays occasionally force us to be around people that we do not see daily, weekly, or monthly. We can become nervous or upset with the thought of having to see some people. Only you can make the decision about how much you let someone else affect your happiness. Only you can assess your relationships and decide which ones to keep.

As a straight female who serves on the Board of Directors for Spencer Pride, I am sure that some people question my decision to even be a part of this wonderful organization. I would be very quick to say that I will always be a part of Spencer Pride for many reasons. The most important reason is the fact that I have developed relationships with so many giving people! I have made friends with people who have my back. I also have theirs.

In every aspect of my life, I am so fortunate to have wonderful friends. Some do not even know each other. Some mix very well, and others not so well. I have had to make some tough decisions about who gets to “rent space in my head”!

As a person who really enjoys Facebook, I see hundreds of posts. Some speak to me and some do not. I cannot help but notice the posts that express my feelings. I like and share many posts. I comment on many posts.

Today, I read a post that said: “I love rumors. I learn so much about myself that I did not know!” This really made me think. I have always been most hurt by the rumors that are spread by people that I love or once loved. I know that there are people out there who are not true friends. I know that there are people out there who pretend to be your friend, but are counter-productive. You must assess your relationships and let some people go. Those people do not matter anyway. It is only when you give your heart and time to a person that it hurts when they are the source of the rumors. You ask yourself how they could say or do some of the things that they do. You ask yourself why they do not seem to be sorry about what they have said or done. Why don’t you ask yourself why you would give them one more second of your time?

I have so many true friends. Some are in my life consistently. Some float in and out of my life. They are my true friends because it does not matter how often we see each other or talk to one another. We can pick up as friends immediately, as if we have never been apart.

So, please do NOT write Dear John letters to all of the people with whom you have relationships. Please do NOT over-analyze your relationships. I highly recommend that you do a very quick mental assessment of your relationships by asking yourself the following:

  • Does this person bring me happiness?
  • Is this person a positive influence to me and to others?
  • Do I have a “good” feeling in my stomach when I think about this person?
  • Would this person do for me, as much as I would do for them?
  • Does this person have same values as I want to have?

If you can answer “YES” to these questions, you need to keep this person in your life. If not, you need to reassess how much time you give to this person. Finally, do not forget to assess the most important relationship that you can have. That is the relationship you have with yourself. If you do not love yourself, others cannot love you the way that you want. Assess your relationship with yourself using the same 5 questions. Only YOU can change your relationship with yourself if you do not answer “YES” to all of the questions.

Happy November! Happy Thanksgiving!